Learning to be You
As a therapist, I help many who struggle with anxiety. Underlying that anxiety there is often an uncertainty about their “self” and deep seated fears about how unsafe the world may be for them.
Some anxious thoughts that preoccupy them may include:
“I am so confused. I don’t know what to do…”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I figure things out?”
“What if I …?”
“How will I…?”
“I’m so behind. I know I really need to get going. But I never know what I am supposed to do.”
“I know logically what to do, but I never seem to do anything. What’s going on?”
“I better make sure I do things right, otherwise….”
“I don’t know if I can handle…”
“Why am I such an emotional person?”
“I feel overwhelmed all the time.”
“I feel like such an imposter.”
In my work with my clients, I help them understand that we often develop unconscious and/or set ways we have relied on to protect and help us overcome our hardships in our lives.
We face struggles regularly in our lives; about our careers or jobs, relationships (family, marital and dating lives) and our health. We also have to overcome cultural, racial, political, climate, and gender related challenges in our societies. However, these “old ways” we have been relying on may not be as helpful anymore.
Understanding these thought patterns, growing our emotional awareness while learning to stay curious about our behaviors will benefit us. It helps us to be more in tuned with what our “self” is trying to express as part of our voice. That self critical part may also be part that is trying to express a need. As one becomes self aware without this conflict with self criticism, it opens up deeper understanding and acceptance of our full self. This will bring changes that are congruent to one’s own values, meaning and beliefs.
As a result, there will be less confusion and self doubt. This process results in more grounded decision making, enriched relationships, and effective communications. Your resilience then grows.
At times, our conversations will involve exploring the origin of these struggles. A healthy narrative begins to emerge as the self is given the freedom to develop understanding. This process may not always be straight forward. Our experiences are often layered by our societal, cultural, peer, and/or familial experiences and expectations. Therefore uncovering these elements will help to identify possible roadblocks in our lives.
Therapy is not formulaic. It involves a journey of self reflection, learning and engaging with life at the present. It’s not a “fix” but a journey. But as one spends time with one’s “self,” that therapeutic process will help facilitate that growth and healing.
Karen Lau, LCSW 9/29/2022